Hey, lookie at what we have here. I haven't abandoned this challenge yet! I was SO close to finishing this challenge (only about 10 days to go) when I thought I should take a break and focus on posting other things. You know, the thing is, sometimes I spend a lot of time on these blog challenge, sometimes I don't.
But regardless, here I am! I'm totally not back to updating regularly on this blog; I have SO much homework from school, plus I have to go to after-school activities PLUS I have to study for the PSAT aka prepping for the SAT, which I loathe the day I will have to take it.
So yeah, I have a lot on my schedule. Am I managing my time wisely? NOPE.
And to be honest, these first 3 weeks of school, I haven't been doing to good in my classes. I know what you're thinking; I should be studying. But hey, a little blog post never hurt anybody, right?
Also, check out my blog challenge tag to see my previous blog challenge posts.
My Previous BC post: Day 19&20
So enough about that. Let's get with today's blog challenge!
Day 21-Your Biggest Fear
So, this topic could get really personal, and I will apologize if anyone gets uncomfortable, or disgusted with me.
Like most people's fear, I do fear pain and heights and stuff like that.
But one of my biggest fears? Probably something like being alone. Which is literally the state I live in. Alone. In solitary. I know, you're thinking I'm pretty weird.
Why would I choose to live a way that I fear of? That needs to my next biggest fear. Change. And I'm not talking about suddenly-winning-the-lottery-change, but a change that forces me out of my shell; forces me to be put into a situation where I am uncomfortable. That's why I prefer to be alone, although I hate being alone. I'm just so freaking afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone. I'm realizing that this makes no sense at all. I realize that most of the things I do make close to no sense at all. I was never diagnosed with it, but I near 100% sure that I have some sort of anxiety. I have these weird quirks that I do to keep my breathing even, and to calm down my heartbeat when I'm panicking. And I hate my weird quirks. And I hate when I panic.
Saying this would probably generate hate, but an example of me stepping out of my shell lately was volunteering. I had no qualms with helping people but it was the fact I was interacting with people, the fact I had to put up this cheerful facade did not settle well with me.
That initial thought was what disgusted me with myself.
So I told myself, "Cheerful facade? Come on, Julie, if you have to put up a mask, why the f*ck (excuse my language) are you even volunteering anyway? The volunteer youth group certainly doesn't need your poor attitude." I pulled myself together, and actually started to enjoy my time volunteering, and to genuinely want to help others. I definitely do think that it has made me more comfortable with social situations and working with people too. And there is such a great feeling afterwards from all the people thanking you for what you've done, which is absolutely crazy because I felt like I hadn't done much at all. So if you do have the time, I would recommend volunteering in your community. It's great, and others definitely do need your help.
So yeah, I somehow managed to end this on a positive note. We all have fears that will possibly never be cured but I hope you all continue to challenge yourself. My advice is, always aim to be a better person, and try to do something that forces you out of your shell once in a while.
And when you want to cry, just cry. It hurts holding it back in more, trust me.
My posts always sound so choppy... Sorry about that! xP
I hope you all have a great day!
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